“If I’m honest about mistakes, then no one will respect me,” leaders have told me over and over again.

Leaders worry that acknowledging mistakes will damage their credibility.

The reality is that the opposite is true. 

By walking around like the Emperor who had no clothes, leaders who don’t admit mistakes lack credibility. According to research by Leadership IQ, a firm founded in 2001, only 26% of the 30,000 managers in the study were willing to take ownership of their mistakes, while 70% of their employees said that their leaders do not take enough responsibility for mistakes.

While being transparent–especially about mistakes and weaknesses–can be challenging, over time it will build trust with those you lead.

Check out what I did right when I became vulnerable in a conversation. And then consider what this might look like for you.

(Spoiler alert! – part of what I did right was acknowledging what I had done wrong!)

And then consider what this might look like for you.

You’re invited to go first 

I want to invite you, as leaders, to go first. 

Good leaders invite team members out of their comfort zone after the leader has first walked down this path. Or they do it together.

Good leaders don’t say “fail forward” while playing it safe themselves.

And good leaders don’t say, “we need to be more accountable,” unless they have made themselves accountable.

Before I ask you to consider what this looks like in your life, let me tell you what this looked like in my life.  

An Example of Going First

A few years ago an employee and I needed more effective accountability. 

An employee wasn’t reaching her targets. 

I set aside time for the conversation and began, “I want to take ownership that something is not working well,” I thought about launching into problem-solving mode, but  I continued the course I had set out on.

“I’m not sure what isn’t working.”

“To be transparent, I’m not sure what isn’t working,” I paused. I had her attention. 

“Others have given me feedback that I tend to rush. Sometimes I make requests and leave others unsure of how to move forward. I’d like us to have a conversation to better understand each other and discuss how we can move forward.” 

She shared her ideas with me, and we began to address issues that had brought us to that point. 

An analysis

Looking back on this, I realize a few different steps I took to succeed. 

Reflection

First, I wrestled with this. When I first put this meeting on the calendar, I was certain that I knew what the problem was. But I took the time to reflect anyway.  As I thought, I realized that my initial understanding was inadequate to describe the complexity of the situation. I continued to reflect. I invited another person into the reflection process as well. I must have gone through four different analyses of the problem until I showed up and said, “I’m not sure what isn’t working.”

Embrace Uncertainty 

Second, I embraced the uncertainty. I didn’t know how she would respond to my lack of certainty. She could have thought, “If my boss doesn’t know what to do, why should I trust him?” But at that point, I valued being honest and open over looking like I knew how to solve the problem. And I still value this type of honesty. 

Planning

Finally, I planned. This is partly just my personality. But it’s more than that. Over a decade ago, Zeke Swift, a mentor, and former Issue Management and Marketing executive at P&G, coached me as I prepared for a conversation. 

“I like to get a stack of 3×5 notecards and anticipate and write down each step in the conversation,” Zeke explained. “If I’ve done that, I am usually well-prepared.” When I moved back to Albania, I couldn’t find 3×5 cards, but I did continue the practice.

I’m not ready yet to claim these are “three key ingredients” for going first every time

This is my understanding of what made this work for me.

Key Takeaways

Good leaders go first by stepping out of their comfort zone.

Leaders lead by example and take risks.

Reflection, embracing uncertainty, and planning are essential for building trust and credibility.

Leaders who take risks build credibility and trust with their team.

Reflection Questions

Do you need to step out of your comfort zone?

What would it look like for you to go first? 

What do you think makes the difference between leaders who go first by taking risks and those that talk about taking risks but don’t actually step out and take risks themselves?

Comment below to share your thoughts.

Recommended Resources

Here are some resources I’d recommend related to going first:

1. Daring Greatly by Dr. Brené Brown. Brené Brown explores the concept of vulnerability and how it can be a source of strength and connection.

2. “The Power of Vulnerability” TED Talk . This is also by Brené Brown. D. Brown discusses research on vulnerability and how embracing vulnerability leads to greater connection. A great quick dive if you don’t have time for #1 now.

3. Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny & others. Calvin Tiessen, co-founder of the Leadership Forum and a good friend of mine, has coached me using strategies from this book, which has helped me to approach difficult conversations with honesty and empathy.

4. The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni. Lencioni discusses the importance of vulnerability and trust in building effective teams.